In 3 seconds you could unlock your phone, open Instagram, and see the perfect sunset, brand new sports car, six-pack abs, and the most genuine smiles.
When our lives are being portrayed through the lens of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing everyday existence with the seemingly perfect one of others.
If you’re finding yourself scrolling through social media feeds, wondering why your life doesn’t measure up, you’re not alone. This incessant comparison not only leads to feelings of inadequacy but can also wreak havoc on your mental and financial well-being.
As much as I wish I could blame social media for this terrible feeling. This dilemma is not a “modern-day” problem. It’s a human problem that is
exacerbated by the quick hits of perfection found online. The root of the problem is our seemingly natural desire to compare ourselves to our neighbors.
Welcome to the world of “keeping up with the Joneses,” a phenomenon that has been around since well before social media.
What Is Keeping up with The Joneses
“Keeping up with the Joneses” is a concept that refers to the constant comparison of oneself with one’s peers, resulting in pressure to outshine or outperform financially or otherwise. The only competition where no one wins.
The classic example: Imagine a family, the Smiths, living in a suburban neighborhood. The Smiths notice that their neighbors, the Joneses, have recently upgraded to a brand-new SUV. Despite their current car being perfectly functional, the Smiths feel an urgent need to purchase a similar, if not more expensive, vehicle. They upgrade their car, even though it strains their budget, because they don’t want to appear less successful than their neighbors.
Now, let’s shift to a more modern scenario. Meet Sarah, a young professional who follows influencers and celebrities on Instagram. Every day, Sarah sees posts of exotic vacations, designer clothes, and luxurious homes. She begins to feel dissatisfied with her own life – her modest apartment and occasional weekend getaways seem lackluster in comparison. Driven by the need to keep up, Sarah starts spending beyond her means, purchasing high-end clothes and planning extravagant trips, all to project an image of success and excitement that mirrors what she sees online.
When we compare ourselves to others AND take action on those ill feelings, we are fools. Driven by the need or desire to project an image to others, the relentless pursuit often leads to emotional and financial stress.
How Comparison Leads to Anxiety and Depression
The human tendency to compare oneself to others is deeply ingrained, but in today’s hyper-connected world, this tendency has taken on a new dimension. Our feeds, highly curated to show the highlight reels of their life while avoiding posting the mundane. This skews reality “Everyone else’s life is more exciting, more fulfilling, and more successful than my own.”
Constant comparison is a significant contributor to feelings of anxiety and depression. When individuals perceive themselves as less successful or less happy than their peers, it can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth and increased stress. The phenomenon is well-documented: studies have shown that heavy social media use is correlated with higher levels of anxiety and depression.
Consider the story of Mark, a young man who frequently checks his social media feeds. He sees his friends getting promotions, traveling to exotic locations, and celebrating life milestones. Mark, on the other hand, feels stuck in his routine job and limited by his financial constraints. The constant barrage of others’ achievements makes him feel inadequate and anxious about his future. He begins to experience bouts of depression, feeling that no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never measure up.
This comparison trap creates a vicious cycle: the more Mark compares, the worse he feels, and the worse he feels, the more he compares. The result is a persistent state of dissatisfaction and mental anguish, driven by an unrealistic standard set by selectively shared moments of others’ lives.
What Are The Financial Implications of Comparison
Beyond the emotional toll, keeping up with the Joneses can have severe financial consequences. When individuals feel pressured to match the lifestyles of their peers, they often resort to living beyond their means. This might involve using credit cards to finance purchases, taking out loans for luxury items, or neglecting long-term financial planning in favor of short-term gratification.
Living outside one’s means leads to a risky financial situation. As spending increases to keep up appearances, savings dwindle, and debt piles on quickly. The stress of living beyond one’s means can be overwhelming, leading to further emotional strain and a cycle of financial distress. Individuals may find themselves trapped in a pattern of overspending, using credit to cover expenses, and falling deeper into debt.
When future financial health is compromised in favor of present-day appearances, individuals risk their long-term well-being. Retirement savings, emergency funds, and investments take a backseat to the desire for instant gratification. This short-sighted approach can leave individuals unprepared for financial emergencies making it nearly impossible to achieve long-term financial security. The weight of this can become unbearable.
The Stigma of a “Boring” Life
In a society that glorifies excitement and extravagance, a “boring” life is often viewed negatively. Of course, challenging this mindset is the idea that perhaps a boring life is not the true issue. A “boring” life, defined by living within one’s means, cultivating meaningful relationships, and finding joy in simple pleasures, can be incredibly fulfilling.
Imagine a couple, John and Lisa, who have chosen to live a modest lifestyle. They drive an older car, live in a comfortable but unassuming home, and prioritize saving for the future. Instead of spending money on lavish vacations, they enjoy local outings and spend quality time with loved ones. Their financial security allows them to live without the constant stress of debt and uncertainty. They may not have the flashiest lifestyle, but their lives are rich with stability, peace, and genuine happiness.
The main reason someone may perceive their life as boring is due to the comparison trap. Their life documented on Instagram will most likely look like your parents or even your grandparents. It’s “average” in materialistic things, but rich in relationships, and financially sound. When we stop comparing our lives to the curated and often exaggerated highlights of others, we can start to appreciate the unique and meaningful aspects of our own lives. Embracing a “boring” life means valuing financial security, mental well-being, and authentic experiences over the fleeting satisfaction of keeping up with others. It’s harder than it sounds, that’s why we all struggle with comparison and sometimes jealousy.
Are You Stuck in A Comparison Cycle?
If you suspect that you might be caught in the cycle, it’s a good idea to reflect on your motivations and behaviors. Here are some questions to ask:
- Do you often feel envious or resentful when you see others’ achievements or possessions?
- Have you made impulse purchases that “impress” others or to fit in?
- Do you frequently compare your life, possessions, or achievements to those around you or online?
- Are you experiencing financial stress due to overspending?
- Do you feel a constant pressure to upgrade your lifestyle, even when it’s not necessary?
Subtle actions and feelings can also indicate that you’ve fallen into the trap, without increasing your spending or making frivolous purchases. For example, you might find yourself feeling dissatisfied with your current possessions, or making decisions based on how they will be perceived by others rather than on your own needs and desires. If you are like me, maybe it’s constantly striving for increases in your income – never feeling like it’s “enough.”
Recognizing these signs is the first step toward breaking free from the comparison cycle and reclaiming your peace of mind and financial health.
Take Control Of Your Life
To reset your emotions and actions towards living a life free from comparison, consider taking the following steps today:
- Stay Busy and Offline: Keep a schedule filled with productive and enjoyable activities to minimize idle time. If you are staying busy, you’re less likely to sit on the couch scrolling online, or making impulse purchases on amazon.
- Practice Gratitude: There is a reason this is on every self-help list. Gratitude is difficult and takes practice. Start with once a week, jotting down 2-3 things that you’re thankful for. Eventually you’ll begin to look for these moments and notice how truly beautiful your life really is.
- Set Realistic Financial Goals: Complete a self audit and review your income, expenses and current savings. Based on this information, create a list of short and long term financial goals. Set a budget that allows you to meet all of your financial obligations while contributing to the goals you identified. STICK TO IT. That’s the hard part.
- Exercise: You’ll not only look better, but you’ll feel better, when you exercise a minimum of 3x a week. Find an activity you enjoy and make it a non-negotiable every week. The endorphins will fight against depression, anxiety, and overall stressors in life.
- Journal: Writing on a regular basis is the ultimate hack. It will help you learn to think clearly and communicate concisely. Start with prompts and don’t worry about your first 100 entries sounding like the seagulls from Finding Nemo – “Mine, mine, mine, mine.” Every now-and-then, review your past entries to gain insights and see progress.
As someone in the deep-end of finding contentment and cultivating a life I’m proud of, I understand first hand how incorporating these steps can take time and require dedication. Being resilient is key to breaking the comparison cycle.
The journey is not easy, but with small intentional changes we all have the power to persevere.